How to Deal With a Conflict

Every people have their own conflicts or problems, but they tend to have a different way in dealing with them. One favors to seek a ‘good ending’, while the other prefers to let them ‘go with the wind’ and never think about.

Dealing successfully with a conflict needs some requirements. First of all, we must believe that trying to solve a conflict is definitely better than pretending it doesn’t exist. Surely, it needs more energy, more times, and more minds; but when we succeed to carry out the problem, or at least to reduce it, we can freely smile and avow as a winner. On the other hand, if we act as if the problems never run into our life, it will accumulate and one day it would blew up. Therefore, the most important thing is don’t run away from every obstruction, just encounter it. 

Secondly, to meet, and at the same time, to solve the problem, there are, at least, three stages. As early as we face a conflict, we should talk to a person whom we clash with. In this time, the two sides must learn their own mistake and throw away their arrogance in order to make a ‘peace’. Asking and giving apology are the key action in this stage. However, provided that we cannot achieve an agreement in this level, a subsequent manner should be applied. At this point, we need third party such as friend, boss, teacher, or priest, who is a wise, neutral person, and to whom the quarreled people trust.  We can ask him for suggestions and solution alternatives in handling the conflict.  Yet his idea never can force the squabble people to obey. Therefore, we may call for the legal institution, that is, judge, whose power to execute his decision.

Although there are many options and stages to deal with a conflict, I vigorously convinced that concordance among the quarreled people is the best choice. Nevertheless, since causes, structures, and intensities of conflict are diverse, the other choices might be better for some people.

Jakarta, May 2001